[ not really a pity, but more a pity for kaeya's poor ability to rest when away from wine. and other things. he huffs. ]
Unlike someone, I have no access to a certain magic missive that whisks the recipient anywhere. And now that our "host" has fixed our regional roulette...
Ha! You'll have to work a lot harder at knocking me out for that to ever happen.
[ kaeya will literally die before letting someone get the last word on him? and even then, he'll just come back as a ghost just to make sure it doesn't happen. ]
My, is that a note of envy I detect, Master Diluc? If you're extra nice to me, perhaps I'll take you along next time Klee wishes to visit...provided that you're up to the task of riding the trains in the domain all day, of course.
[ this is definitely for klee's sake and not at all because it will be hilarious watching diluc try not to hurl, of course. ]
Putting all the onus on me? But I'm too tired to think of anything, alas! How about you tell me a bedtime story and we'll see?
[ but, not that he's... not considering how to get the last word in? he supposes one method or another might be considered cheating, but... well. all's fair and so on. but, the confirmation that he'd always bother him was in its own way comforting. he knows, but it's never disappointing to hear. ]
I have no idea what you're hearing, Sir Kaeya.
[ not that he's considering it. sort of. at least with just him. anyway, he can surely hear the little "hmph" that accompanies the next sentence. ]
Just how many times has she made you ride those... Carriages?
[ not because he's concerned or anything or knows he'd definitely hurl if he drew him up on it!! ]
I'm not the one a considerable trek from the nearest tavern. [ a beat. ] And I'm not telling you a bedtime story.
[ he absolutely will, but you know. has to play the game first. ]
Oh, I have remarkably sharp ears. For instance, just now I seem to have heard a grumpy 'hmph' carried to me by the winds of a distant land....
[ not only can he hear the hmph, he can also envision the slight jutting of the lip into a sulky pout in front of him now...probably underneath a dumb owl mask, what with the late hour. ]
Made me? Our lovely little Spark Knight is far too kindhearted to force anyone reluctant into accompanying her. Some of us are still in touch with our inner child and like to have fun too, you know.
[ if there's one person he gets immediately defensive over - aside from the one he's talking to now - it's klee...even if half the reason he joined her on too many rollercoaster rides to count was to catch all the bombs that would inevitably spill from her backpack. frankly, they could have gone even faster as far as he's concerned to be any fun. ]
Ah, but perhaps you've improved your skills over the years and no longer give the ending away five minutes into the story! Or maybe it's the material you were working with that gave you such issue...how about you try a more adult story and see if you fare any better?
And some of us have to ask to ensure you're not irreparably damaging the equilibrium of two of the more competent Knights.
[ weird little pause here, notably not of his own volition. he'd have been quick to append the following if he wasn't busy elsewhere. when he comes back to the ink, it makes itself muddy with the color of something decidedly less pitch. ]
I have trouble enough playing nursemaid to the woes of the others in my tavern, never mind having to listen to them lament their additional hours.
[ unsurprisingly, diluc worries about kaeya and by extension klee due to his fondness of her. she isn't a bad kid, he guesses. he's never seen a reason to be stern with her, no matter how destructive she might sometimes be. ]
More adult fare? [ oh no. ] Fine.
I spent the bulk of my day participating in meetings regarding the state of public access routes. As you well know, many of them have fallen into disrepair and it has made it exceedingly difficult for untrained hands to move product reliably. I've had to step in on several occasions to clear routes ahead of the caravans. However, my schedule will not always permit me to assist. And so—
Who, little old me? I'm flattered you think I hold such sway over my colleagues, but I doubt an entire army of ruin guards could so much as scratch either of their equilibriums.
[ well, maybe klee's a little easier to manipulate...but teaching her important life lessons about how to avoid getting caught for the crimes she's committed is a great influence! ]
You could always send them Diona's way, it's not like she could hate you more. Or just tell them it's part and parcel of their knight training. I can't always be around to pick up the slack.
[ his mountain of paperwork is already huge enough as it is??? and that's not even including jean's share that he sneaks off with to stop her dying early of overwork??? ]
How can I judge when you haven't even gotten to the good part yet? What happens after you clear the routes and get all splattered in mud? Do you take your shirt off and use it to slowly wipe off all the dirt and sweat? Or do you strip down to draw up a bath instead? Paint me a word picture.
[ never forget there's two little shits in this relationship, ragnvindr. ]
Don't let it go to your head, Alberich. The bar won't require a high jump.
[ SNIFFS INDIGNANTLY ETC ETC. ]
I'd rather not. As much as she and I have similar philosophies, a competitor is still a competitor.
[ but: u g h. ]
There's nothing to paint a picture over when Adelinde forces you to strip as much as modesty would allow at the front door.
And there's nothing appealing about dirt in the bathwater, much less the cauterizing of minor wounds. My hair took an hour to untangle. I looked like a mess.
Too late, I shall be going around the rest of the week with an inflated head because the uncrowned king of Mondstadt deigned to pay me a scrap of praise. I'm already having trouble fitting my eyepatch, that's how big my head has become.
[ though really, it has much less to do with the (completely made-up in his mind) flattery and more with getting any attention from diluc at all...pathetic. ]
And I'm sure it has nothing to do with you secretly enjoying being able to eavesdrop on all the various woes of the knights.
[ he knows! he knows diluc would perish without all that fuel for his grumbling and complaining! ]
Oh, I quite object, I'm enjoying this picture thoroughly. That you bothered to untangle your hair at all is already nearly too titillating to handle. Besides, I rather like you messy...it's more honest than that gentlemanly demeanor you put on.
[ whoops, was that a smidgen of sincerity in there? better backpedal immediately. ]
And of course there's something to be said about the clean up afterwards! Do go on. How thoroughly did you wash up? Spare no detail.
I hope dearly that eyepatch of yours cuts into your circulation.
[ so mean, master diluc. but: ]
You idiot, [ so softly, so fondly. he can probably hear the look he'd give him if he was there with him, bleeding as he is rather steadily on the pages of this thoroughly ruined journal. at least most of it isn't his. ] Only you would ever think that.
[ but, he better veer a little back to his usual grumbling. ] And I've always kept my hair presentable. My lack of product doesn't make it unacceptable by any stretch.
[ he just prefers that kaeya do it. he's always been more patient with him than he has ever been with himself.
there's a significant pause, mostly because he has to work up to the intimacy of details because he's maybe decided to humor him a little. ]
You know I don't bother paying that much mind to myself. I only bother to be thorough with you.
[ rip in pieces kaeya. you asked for it??? ]
I found myself missing the, [ god this is so embarrassing. ] pleasure of working my hands through your hair.
[ kill him kill him kill him ]
Edited (just fuckin up my code it's fine ) 2023-07-16 02:02 (UTC)
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no subject
You ought to make it up to me for so cruelly interrupting my beauty sleep. I find that wine works quite well for me as a soporific.
no subject
[ not really a pity, but more a pity for kaeya's poor ability to rest when away from wine. and other things. he huffs. ]
Unlike someone, I have no access to a certain magic missive that whisks the recipient anywhere. And now that our "host" has fixed our regional roulette...
[ he pauses, writes again. ]
It seems you'll have to think of something else.
no subject
[ kaeya will literally die before letting someone get the last word on him? and even then, he'll just come back as a ghost just to make sure it doesn't happen. ]
My, is that a note of envy I detect, Master Diluc? If you're extra nice to me, perhaps I'll take you along next time Klee wishes to visit...provided that you're up to the task of riding the trains in the domain all day, of course.
[ this is definitely for klee's sake and not at all because it will be hilarious watching diluc try not to hurl, of course. ]
Putting all the onus on me? But I'm too tired to think of anything, alas! How about you tell me a bedtime story and we'll see?
no subject
[ but, not that he's... not considering how to get the last word in? he supposes one method or another might be considered cheating, but... well. all's fair and so on. but, the confirmation that he'd always bother him was in its own way comforting. he knows, but it's never disappointing to hear. ]
I have no idea what you're hearing, Sir Kaeya.
[ not that he's considering it. sort of. at least with just him. anyway, he can surely hear the little "hmph" that accompanies the next sentence. ]
Just how many times has she made you ride those... Carriages?
[ not because he's concerned or anything or knows he'd definitely hurl if he drew him up on it!! ]
I'm not the one a considerable trek from the nearest tavern. [ a beat. ] And I'm not telling you a bedtime story.
[ he absolutely will, but you know. has to play the game first. ]
You always complained mine were terrible anyway.
no subject
[ not only can he hear the hmph, he can also envision the slight jutting of the lip into a sulky pout in front of him now...probably underneath a dumb owl mask, what with the late hour. ]
Made me? Our lovely little Spark Knight is far too kindhearted to force anyone reluctant into accompanying her. Some of us are still in touch with our inner child and like to have fun too, you know.
[ if there's one person he gets immediately defensive over - aside from the one he's talking to now - it's klee...even if half the reason he joined her on too many rollercoaster rides to count was to catch all the bombs that would inevitably spill from her backpack. frankly, they could have gone even faster as far as he's concerned to be any fun. ]
Ah, but perhaps you've improved your skills over the years and no longer give the ending away five minutes into the story! Or maybe it's the material you were working with that gave you such issue...how about you try a more adult story and see if you fare any better?
[ talk dirty to him diluc ]
no subject
[ weird little pause here, notably not of his own volition. he'd have been quick to append the following if he wasn't busy elsewhere. when he comes back to the ink, it makes itself muddy with the color of something decidedly less pitch. ]
I have trouble enough playing nursemaid to the woes of the others in my tavern, never mind having to listen to them lament their additional hours.
[ unsurprisingly, diluc worries about kaeya and by extension klee due to his fondness of her. she isn't a bad kid, he guesses. he's never seen a reason to be stern with her, no matter how destructive she might sometimes be. ]
More adult fare? [ oh no. ] Fine.
I spent the bulk of my day participating in meetings regarding the state of public access routes. As you well know, many of them have fallen into disrepair and it has made it exceedingly difficult for untrained hands to move product reliably. I've had to step in on several occasions to clear routes ahead of the caravans. However, my schedule will not always permit me to assist. And so—
Suitable enough for you?
[ this fucking little shit. ]
no subject
[ well, maybe klee's a little easier to manipulate...but teaching her important life lessons about how to avoid getting caught for the crimes she's committed is a great influence! ]
You could always send them Diona's way, it's not like she could hate you more. Or just tell them it's part and parcel of their knight training. I can't always be around to pick up the slack.
[ his mountain of paperwork is already huge enough as it is??? and that's not even including jean's share that he sneaks off with to stop her dying early of overwork??? ]
How can I judge when you haven't even gotten to the good part yet? What happens after you clear the routes and get all splattered in mud? Do you take your shirt off and use it to slowly wipe off all the dirt and sweat? Or do you strip down to draw up a bath instead? Paint me a word picture.
[ never forget there's two little shits in this relationship, ragnvindr. ]
no subject
[ SNIFFS INDIGNANTLY ETC ETC. ]
I'd rather not. As much as she and I have similar philosophies, a competitor is still a competitor.
[ but: u g h. ]
There's nothing to paint a picture over when Adelinde forces you to strip as much as modesty would allow at the front door.
And there's nothing appealing about dirt in the bathwater, much less the cauterizing of minor wounds. My hair took an hour to untangle. I looked like a mess.
no subject
[ though really, it has much less to do with the (completely made-up in his mind) flattery and more with getting any attention from diluc at all...pathetic. ]
And I'm sure it has nothing to do with you secretly enjoying being able to eavesdrop on all the various woes of the knights.
[ he knows! he knows diluc would perish without all that fuel for his grumbling and complaining! ]
Oh, I quite object, I'm enjoying this picture thoroughly. That you bothered to untangle your hair at all is already nearly too titillating to handle. Besides, I rather like you messy...it's more honest than that gentlemanly demeanor you put on.
[ whoops, was that a smidgen of sincerity in there? better backpedal immediately. ]
And of course there's something to be said about the clean up afterwards! Do go on. How thoroughly did you wash up? Spare no detail.
no subject
[ so mean, master diluc. but: ]
You idiot, [ so softly, so fondly. he can probably hear the look he'd give him if he was there with him, bleeding as he is rather steadily on the pages of this thoroughly ruined journal. at least most of it isn't his. ] Only you would ever think that.
[ but, he better veer a little back to his usual grumbling. ] And I've always kept my hair presentable. My lack of product doesn't make it unacceptable by any stretch.
[ he just prefers that kaeya do it. he's always been more patient with him than he has ever been with himself.
there's a significant pause, mostly because he has to work up to the intimacy of details because he's maybe decided to humor him a little. ]
You know I don't bother paying that much mind to myself. I only bother to be thorough with you.
[ rip in pieces kaeya. you asked for it??? ]
I found myself missing the, [ god this is so embarrassing. ] pleasure of working my hands through your hair.
[ kill him kill him kill him ]