[ anger is not an emotion that comes easily to kaeya, if at all. it runs too hot for him, too outward, when his immediate instinct towards any flicker of heated emotion is to condense it into a ball of ice, compacting it smaller and smaller until he can swallow it back down, numbing everything it touches along the way.
so he's not angry, he thinks, when he finds out about diluc's suicidal offering, though perhaps storming off to a separate apartment gave the wrong impression. he's not angry when he finally opens the door, tired of the stench of nicotine and smoke filtering through the cracks. he's not even angry at the ridiculous excuses spilling from diluc's lips, as if dying for his sake could possibly have any sort of worth or rationale in it at all. he's pretty sure anger doesn't feel like this: cold all the way through, with only the familiar bite of bitter resignation seeping in.
there does seem to be a moment when diluc grabs his hands that kaeya seems to waver just slightly, a hint of thaw in his impassive face as he glances down at the touch, weak as always to the warmth of physical reassurance. but not weak enough - and at diluc's final sentence, he instantly yanks his hands away as if from a sudden scalding fire. ]
Don't worry about it, Master Diluc. [ his tone is casual if distant, his smile polite - but he takes two steps back, putting himself out of range. ] No need to go out of your way for my account, I'm quite used to it by now.
[ it's a cruel and certainly passive aggressive statement, but he also genuinely means it, twisted as it is. how utterly repulsive, to have anyone but especially diluc take his feelings into consideration. how revolting, having anyone be aware of his feelings at all, let alone keeping them in the forefront of their mind. ]
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so he's not angry, he thinks, when he finds out about diluc's suicidal offering, though perhaps storming off to a separate apartment gave the wrong impression. he's not angry when he finally opens the door, tired of the stench of nicotine and smoke filtering through the cracks. he's not even angry at the ridiculous excuses spilling from diluc's lips, as if dying for his sake could possibly have any sort of worth or rationale in it at all. he's pretty sure anger doesn't feel like this: cold all the way through, with only the familiar bite of bitter resignation seeping in.
there does seem to be a moment when diluc grabs his hands that kaeya seems to waver just slightly, a hint of thaw in his impassive face as he glances down at the touch, weak as always to the warmth of physical reassurance. but not weak enough - and at diluc's final sentence, he instantly yanks his hands away as if from a sudden scalding fire. ]
Don't worry about it, Master Diluc. [ his tone is casual if distant, his smile polite - but he takes two steps back, putting himself out of range. ] No need to go out of your way for my account, I'm quite used to it by now.
[ it's a cruel and certainly passive aggressive statement, but he also genuinely means it, twisted as it is. how utterly repulsive, to have anyone but especially diluc take his feelings into consideration. how revolting, having anyone be aware of his feelings at all, let alone keeping them in the forefront of their mind. ]